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[15 Mar 2006|02:01pm] for those of you who haven't noticed yet, i'm not updating this journal anymore. my new livejournal account is lunarseas and is friends only. so go add it! 6y + x = x^y

[28 Feb 2006|10:27pm] i have a new livejournal. it is friend's only. lunarseas 4y + x = x^y

[28 Feb 2006|01:52am] I WANT THIS NOWWWW. 7y + x = x^y

[27 Feb 2006|12:56am] i wrote a song. you're not allowed to hear. 2y + x = x^y

ASL. [26 Feb 2006|12:50am] being at my parent's house tonight was strange. the cats wouldn't eat their dinner and they ignored me. all i want right now is a cat on my lap and to go swimming in a creek. no, that's a lie. i want other things. so many other things. but they are pointless to list. but i really really want a cat + creek. that would make the ultimate day. someone make my wish come true. on a side note, i found a think of black hair dye at the house. i was debating it. we'll see. i'm tired/bored of everything that exists bodily with me. there is a buzzing in this room. i found a bag my mom gave me with presents for valentine's day. at the very bottom is a condom. as if i'm going to ever need that. but thanks mom, i'm glad you still think i have the chance to have sex. i am nothing but a depressing blob. 1y + x = x^y

[24 Feb 2006|03:53am] I OWN THIS. LOL. \MMM/ x = x^y

[23 Feb 2006|11:30pm] ( dear laura, ) just for fun. it may bleed or be a little pixelated because i did it in photoshop. but whateverz. lets get on that website babes. 7y + x = x^y

[22 Feb 2006|04:34pm] not to sound like a douche bag, but i really feel like just crawling under a rock right now. my brain has been totally scrambled from this weekend and now its not getting any better. i seriously am completely fed up with my life. i'm going to sit outside on the front step and think. i wish it was summer, i wish i could rewind two years and start the fuck over. i am fed up with 99% of my friends on cape cod. i feel isolated because you're isolating me, and i feel isolated because i don't want to be around the hole you are digging. when i first started becoming friends with kids in chatham, i was leaving a drug scene. i was refreshed with the fact that we could have fun without snorting something, smoking weed, getting drunk, or doing acid. now look at us. it's fucking pathetic. you're ruining friendships, we've all said it behind the backs of those involved. even then ones involved have said it. do something. don't participate. i'm sick of swimming upstream with everyone, everything we stood for is sinking. i'm done. i'm going to lock myself in my room until you act more reasonable. as much as i'd like to think that will solve the problem, i know you can go on doing everything without me. i don't belong with the cliques. i'm sick of feeling like people only want me around when it's convenient for them, don't be a dick to me. i'm a fucking human being. and don't call yourself a friend, unless you intend to act like one. i am fed up. 11y + x = x^y

shushed my mouth for laughing. [22 Feb 2006|12:35am] [ mood | content ] [ music | Viking Moses! "my husbands hand" ] ( brrr/road trip pictures ) this update is huge. i have more pictures that i haven't resized, i'm not sure if i'm going to post them or not. we'll see babes. 8y + x = x^y

[21 Feb 2006|04:06am] why is it so hard for me to keep track of what time it is. x = x^y

[20 Feb 2006|02:41am] i am currently at adam's house, and he just gave me a cd with this quote "you have to listen to this under one condition... as loud as possible or you're not doing it justice" awesome. also, laura, please tell me when you get my voicemail. hahaha. also, cape cod tomorrow. i am excited for 27" of yoshi's cookie and to see becky. also to poop in my own toilet. the trip was lots of fun, despite herbie's strep throat and other things. friends are an amazing thing, and i do love them real hard. it ruled to see jon abott and brad whom i haven't seen in almost a year. i will be excited to sleep in my bed, and by the end of this trip i will have driven in some sort of vehicle for over 24 hours. that is insane. best quotes of the trip = "never have i ever used a whole jar of petroleum jelly on myself..." 'herbie... FINGER DOWWWNN." "i am squishy... nooo." something about brad and a certain darkroom. also, i heard rumors of jon and brad having intercourse. +++ breadmachine 7 minute show, fucking incredible. and there are tons more but i am severely brain dead right now. 8y + x = x^y

[15 Feb 2006|04:20pm] Depart:                          Arrive: Hyannis MA 830A        Providence RI 1030A Providence RI 1100A   New York NY 245P New York NY 400P     Philadelphia PA 620P forever driving shitty cars. x = x^y

sleep inside my corpse. [14 Feb 2006|01:57am] [ music | thanksgiving "ageism" ] i need so badly to get my shit together. i am so nervous about driving to philadelphia. night sledding was fun despite bloody nose from evan's limbs smacking me in the face after going down on sick ramp. laying down on that sled i started thinking things that i feel like the only person would understand was kirtley. it felt like you were here babe, i liked that feeling. i am so used to you understanding and being here, that even when you're not i feel like you are and that it's okay. because i know you would understand if you were. i do miss you, come back to me lover. i'd like to go into more detail about exactly what it brought out in me, but i feel as if it would fall upon deaf ears. perhaps it is better left unsaid. those little moments no one knows i have. the thirty seconds is better than nothing. even if it's killed by nick jumping on your stomach and riding you like a sled. i wonder often why it is that i feel things so intensely. why the smallest thing will make an impression on me forever. its not to say i'm different, because i don't think i am. i think i'm just more willing to accept that feeling. sometimes this is enough to make me want to rip my insides out. i want very badly to be a happy human and content, but i even see it in the lyrics or songs i write. it's next to impossible for me to convey on the positive. what eats me up as i know it's easy to appease the negative and the hostility. but i find that when i'm happy i don't write at all. the only conclusion i can come to is that i understand the negative more than the positive. it is more concrete to me. the more i talk to my mother now that i don't live with her, the more i realize how negative she can be. it is nice to not be around a constant reminder of who i am in the world. it is nice to dream about it. 2y + x = x^y

i like things like this. [12 Feb 2006|12:57pm] [ music | Alec Ounsworth "we should drop like flies" ] sitting bored, watching nick take apart the drumset and listening to music i decided for humor's sake to search google for images of combovers. this is what i stumbled upon. ( wonderful ) the book i'm reading right now's sort of underlying undertone is about being driven, or almost forced without reason or understanding into an event or situation. as if you actually make no decisions in your life, but they are already made for you by some unseen hand. for whatever reason i needed to see those drawings, the snowy landscape outside really is suiting for how i'm feeling currently. it's not depressed, or content. for the next five minutes of my life i think i just feel like i exist without force. and if you don't understand any of this, that's alright. at least enjoy the drawings. the website where i found them is http://www.solomanfineartinc.com x = x^y

[11 Feb 2006|10:31pm] dear snow, you are like a beautiful woman who romances me a couple times a year. when you are not around, i long to play with you, and marvel at your tender beauty. but when you are around, you make my car wet, my fingers sore, and make it hard to drive my car. I just wanted to let you know, that as much as i love when you're around i just don't feel like dealing with you right now. please don't take it personal. my feelings haven't changed about you really, it's temporary. perhaps if i wore pants everynow and then and had shoes that didn't have holes in them my mind may change. but, as of right now i need my space. yours truly, kat. 4y + x = x^y

! [10 Feb 2006|02:08pm] i am too excited for new glasses. 15y + x = x^y

[08 Feb 2006|02:07pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | the halo benders "don't touch my bikini" ] things to do: - fix flat tire - fix car/get inspection sticker and drive legally - fix jon abbott window that has been broken for over a year. - kill jon abbott for breaking my window in the first place. - clean the downstairs bathroom - clean my room - do the artwork for grumpy valentine's mix - finish making the vagina bongos mix - finish making my "surprise" which has been in the making for like a month now - take slides of my portfolio - finish filling out applications to colleges and write the essays - find a way to pay the application fee - find a place to live in pennsylvania - eat something - go to sleep early because i have to be at the mechanics at EIGHT AM tomorrow - prepare myself for an eye appointment at 11 am tomorrow - have band practice - write a letter to kirtley :[ - maybe finish the packages for pennsylvanians even though i'm going to see them in a week. - finish reading my book - finish writing this song - CHILL OUT. oh man. that list is so long. and i guarantee you the only that's going to get done is killing jon abbott and chilling out. 6y + x = x^y

[08 Feb 2006|02:34am] seriously, i haven't had human contact in hours and all i've done tonight is record me messing up lions like tigers songs and messing with them. adam knows, i sent him one and he FIXED IT AND LISTENED TO ME MESSING UP. ASSHOLE. i need to not be depressed. ughhh i have so much i have to do tomorrow. i don't want to be responsible. fuckfuckfuckkkk. i just want to sleep in a bed with a boy. goddamn. 6y + x = x^y

[06 Feb 2006|09:22pm] i am seriously better than this. and i'm going to put a stop to it in some way or another. 2y + x = x^y

i missed them. [06 Feb 2006|03:08am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | The Wrens "Broken" ] well, today has been kind of stupid. my cell phone still sucks, i tried to go to verizon to yell at them for the SIXTH time but i got a flat tire on the way. so now i'm driving around on a crappy spare. tomorrow nate laura and i are taking pictures, i'm going to donkey punch verizon and have band practice. recorded a shitty version of one of our songs to put up on the myspace. you can find it here. ughh ughh so many mixed feelings lately. i just want my window to be fixed, not to have a flat tire, to have a working cell phone, my room not to be a disaster and to stop forgetting to pay bills. among other things that have been bothering me, which livejournal isn't the forum for. odd, no? i also fell asleep while reading tonight and ended up taking a nap for god knows how long. it was the first nap i've taken since herbie was here and when i woke up i felt really strange. like, i know i'm pretty odd to begin with - but i mean like STRANGE. like i was all panicky and the first thing i did when i woke up is like run to my shoes and run downstairs. and i don't know why. it's like i got so nervous. even when nick and i visited bex at work i was like jittery and weird. it felt like i was doing everything without thinking. blech. if anyone has a chance, you should check out the comic the backwards folding mirror by jesse moynihan. shit is out of control. that's how it felt in my head tonight. nonsense. also i am glad max is coming home from falmouth because i need a late night someone. losing my mind. i feel like the tape is slipping in my brain everything is speeding up and slowing down without notice. i'm hearing things and seeing things and they like morph and make no sense. WHO PUT ACID IN MY FUD. 4y + x = x^y

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